Thursday, January 3, 2008

Analysis of stuff - the idiot view

Disclaimer - I am an idiot. My mom tells me so numerous times during the day. And also in my dreams sometimes. Read the following post at your own risk. I will babble on here until I get lost in the logical fallacies and then bang my head against the desk.

The Yoo Ess of Ey is a very powerful country - huge landmass, big military, big business. To run this country, we need lots of oil.

Oil comes mostly from dead dinosaur bones, which are mostly located in Arab countries.

So Arab countries have oil - lots of it.

Arab countries hate Israel, because in 1945 the European Jews that fled Europe after World War 2 proceeded to ethnically cleanse themselves a new country there - called Israel. By using words ethnically and cleanse , I mean that the Jews killed off the Arab folks who were living there, or at least drove them away from their homes at the point of a gun. Remember how Bosnian moslems were murdered by Serbs and the US and NATO went in to save them? Similar situation in Israel (800,000 Arabs were expelled from what is now Israel in 1946-48. Sweep that under the carpet. Hah!).

So Arabs (who have oil, which we want) hate Israel (which has nothing that we, the Yoo Ess of Ey want).

So who do we support?

Why, Israel of course.

$3 billion (or more?)per year in aid is given to Israel, and whereas other aid monies are given for specific purposes (for example, Colombia is given such and such amount to help it prosecute its war against the drug trade), aid monies to Israel are given as a carte blanche (that means it is cash - do whatcha want with it).

Also, we, the aforementioned USA, support governments in various Arab countries that produce oil and sell it to us. While we claim to stand for democracy and (right now, reason number 1857645) we are in Iraq to show them sand nig*ers democracy (and shit), we are A-OK with regimes that torture, starve, beat and stone little girls for being raped.

Because those Arab regimes sell us oil AND they don't make war on Israel. So for not rolling its tanks across its border with Israel (lately), we give Egypt more money than everyone else - save Israel, of course. Egypt is number 2 in US aid annually for several years now. We also give Jordan quite a bit, also for not rolling its tanks onto Israeli McDonald's stand.

Do these regimes stand for democracy, peace, love and group hugs?

It is hard to equate Egyptian regime as a democracy.

Heck, it is hard to equate Apartheid as democracy, also.

But anyway... moving on...

We, the people of Yoo Ess of Ey, elected a president who is from whatchamacallit,
oil business family.

Which to my idiot brain means that since his family is in the oil business, and is buddy buddy with the Saudi royals, and have business ventures together (in what else - oil!), that their interest is to make oil more expensive.

Now, it is very probably a coincidence that oil has hit a record $100 per barrel. For the first time. Ever.

Just randomly happened...

Now lets take a look back... waaay back to old skool rap days. Think 1980's.
Cold War, the Soviets invade Afghanistan. We, the aforementioned USA, get pissed off and refuse to go to the Olympics in Moscow ( fuck them ). But also, we start arming the Mujahedin. Which is a fance name for Afghanistan's version of hillbillies.

To fight the Soviets, we give the hillbillies sophisticated weapons systems, teach them how to use long range radios, organize themselves in terrorist cells, make and plant bombs - you know, normal guerrilla warfare.

The Soviets after 9 years get sick of it all (just like we did in Indochina in 1975) and roll out of the country. So now all the heavily armed and well trained in terrorist warfare hillbillies are out of a job.

The interesting thing about us arming them is that it was done through a third party, namely Pakistan. You see, the folks at the CIA and other gubermin' agencies decided that they, in their racism, could not tell how to give weapons and bundles of cash away, so they gave it all to Pakistanis own CIA (called the ISI for some reason). And the ISI decided that, just for shits and giggles, they will give the majority of the arms and money to the craziest mother fuckers around, real religious nut jobs (think Islamic version of "reverend" dobson or better yet the Phelps family).

So now all these wackos are out of a job, like I said before. Imbued with fanatical zeal (Islam good! Others bad!), they spread out into the wild blue yonder, ending up in Kashmir (Pakistan-Indian border... they hate each other there also, its an undeclared war there 365 days a year), to Philippines, Indonesia, Middle East...

So anyway, coming back to the Arabs vs Jews conflict, a dude from Saudi Arabia got pissed off at being bored, unemployed and sitting in a cave in Afghanistan and decided to, you know, let some of his peeps fly airplanes into American World Trade Center buildings. For shits and giggles I guess, or because they hate us for our freedoms.

Or perhaps because, as Osama said himself, for our support of corrupt Arab regimes which torture its own citizens (for fun mostly) and for our unconditional support of Israel in its genocide of the Arabs (his words not mine... its not a genocide, its Apartheid to me. Hooray for positive PR! Moving on now... ).
More on all the real causes of 9/11 here. But I digress...

In response for this attack perpetrated by Saudi Arabian terrorists, paid for by Saudi Arabian money, the Yoo Ess of Ey decided to retaliate and attack... Iraq. Oh and Afghanistan too, because it would look really weird if we invaded Iraq only. And that is where Osama was squatting before the 9/11 attacks.

End Game:
OK time to take stock before I lose my mind.
Yoo Ess of Ey elects an oil business president, whose family business is dependant on the price of oil. The more expensive oil is, the better off he and his family are.

Yoo Ess of Ey invades Iraq, which of course has nothing to do with the fact that it has 2nd place as the place where dead dinosaur bones lie (after Saudi Arabia), and everything to do with WMD being there, or because we are there to spread freedom, democracy and other assorted shit.

The price of oil after this lil' stunt doubles, then doubles again, hitting a world record $100 per barrel.

Saudi Arabia is our ally in war on terror, even though Al Kaida is financed by Saudi money and majority of real, hard core Al Kaida terrorists are Saudi citizens.

Anything I am missing here?

Ok then, off to get really drunk and bang my head against the desk.

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