Bible Stories: Adam and Eve and the... snake?

A jewish Friend of mine once told me a very profound thing.

The bible, written in old hebrew, is very hard to translate and, actually, CANNOT be translated.

Because it is written as an allegory, with nuances that only people steeped in that culture will get, and that basically the so called "christian bible" is a mess of mistranslated, out of context shit.

In truth, jews laugh at the idiotic christians who mangled the whole "holy" book.

The more I study the bible, the more I agree with him.

Lets take the biblical story that everybody knows, the most familiar one - the one about the first man and woman (human) on this planet.

I will analyze this (supposedly) simple story in two parts, first in English, and then in old hebrew.


The English Adam and Eve

Good old Wiki:

In the Book of Genesis, God fashions Adam from dust and places him in the Garden of Eden, where he is to have dominion over the plants and animals. Eve is later created to be his companion. God places a tree in the garden which he prohibits Adam and Eve from eating. However, a serpent tricks Eve into eating from it, and they are subsequently expelled from the garden for disobeying God, who visits upon them and their progeny numerous hardships as punishment.

A very simple story.

If you want to read the original, the teacher's version, or the kids (!) version, why not peruse DLTK's Bible Activities for Kids (here be the Genesis from King James version).

In English, a very simple, even simplistic story, with nothing behind it.

But lets think on it for a moment.

The good god (yahweh) made everything he could imagine for our heroes in the prison, I mean paradise, and allowed them to partake (eat, try) everything EXCEPT one thing:

"2:17  But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die."

The tree of knowledge of good and evil.

The tree of knowledge.

Think on this for one moment, let it sink in - the god (he? it? alien? yahweh?) er, thing, forbade our human intrepid innocents to "eat of" the tree of knowledge, because,  "thou shalt surely die."

Here we have the almighty forbidding humans knowledge.

You two can prance around, play hokey and hopskotch, but real knowledge is not for you.

To make you two docile slaves, ignorant of the world and reality...

Enter dramatis personae: the snake (badum tschh dramatic music insert here).

The eeeeeeevil snake tempts our wonderful, pure, innocent Eve into eating this fruit and lo and behold, humans... gain knowledge.

Gain intelligence.

Humans start thinking about the world and their situation.

Start to make clothes for themselves.

Start to QUESTION.

In short, it is only by eating this fruit from the tree of knowledge, that Adam and Eve became human.

Before, they were not fully human - they were unintelligent creatures, VERY pliable to their slavemaster, I mean the good god guy, and obeying every order post haste.

Pliable slaves.

The Church doctrine in Christianity is to treat this event as a calamity, as the "original sin", for which Jesus had to go on a cross and die.

I would posit that this event should be CELEBRATED, as the moment that our two intrepid ancestors break the chains and try to get out from their terrible, terrible bondage.

Interestingly, please compare what god and what the serpent have said to our first humans:

2:17  But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

versus

3:4  And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:

3:5  For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

Who told the truth?

The super goody God or the eeeeeeevil serpent?

Who is the good guy in this story, boys and girls?

The god guy, who lies and tries to prevent humans from gaining knowledge and bettering themselves?

Or is it the serpent, who (he? it? she?) who guides humans into becoming, well... human, and knowledgeable, and curious (an EXTREMELY important trait, perhaps the most important human trait of all - without curiosity, even with intelligence and language, we would be a far worse product than we are now).

Another, totally unconnected and off the wall fact is that the symbol of medicine is a snake... climbing a pole... or perhaps a tree...

Of course, the current version of this symbol is that it has nothing to do with the ole Adam and Eve and the snake story, and is instead (Wiki:Serpent (symbolism); Modern medicine) based off the myth of the serpent and the staff of Asclepius, or is it Hermes, and absolutely, positively nothing to do with the bible and the snake which set humanity on its way.

Let me ask again.

Who is the good guy in this story, boys and girls?


The Old Hebrew Adam and Eve

And now for the super fun part.

One of the first and most important differences one immediately notices between this version and dumbed down christian version is that the dramatis personae are... different.

Specifically, the snake... is not a snake.

The word used is nachash (naw-kash), which translates to: magician, enchanter, spellbinder; to illuminate, shine.

Oh, and also, it is a word for "serpent".

Don't believe me?

Do your own research; here is a good gateway to the concept of nachash in the bible - anthrocivitas - somebody has really done their homework (and this time it wasn't me, saving me oodles of time).

Some quotes (from the various sources linked to that page):

The Hebrew word Nachash is translated to "shine" (like brass) or whisper (as in enchantment). The Nachash was not a literal snake. The Nachash was, to use literal Hebrew, a 'shining enchanter.' He was also 'shrewd' (smooth or slick), as a descriptive term in the Hebrew for 'naked and cunning' in deceiving Eve. Scripture goes on to say that the Nachash was - "above (higher in intelligence) than any living thing 'of the field' that Yahweh Elohim had made." 

nachash
naw-khash'
a primitive root; properly, to hiss, i.e. whisper a (magic) spell; generally, to prognosticate:--X certainly, divine, enchanter, (use) X enchantment, learn by experience, X indeed, diligently observe.

nachash
nakh'-ash
from 'nachash'; an incantation or augury:--enchantment.

nchash
nekh-awsh'
(Aramaic) corresponding to 'nchuwshah'; copper:--brass.

nachash
naw-khawsh'
from 'nachash'; a snake (from its hiss):--serpent.

Nachash
naw-khawsh'
the same as 'nachash'; Nachash, the name of two persons apparently non-Israelite:--Nahash.

So, as you can see, not necessarily a snake.

Not an animal.

A pretty smart nachash, brass like, shiny, illuminator...

Wait a moment.

We are all familiar with the one who is called the one who brings the light, the illuminated one, yes, boys and girls, lets go there (to the wiki, of course):

Lucifer (pron.: /ˈluːsɪfər/ or /ˈljuːsɪfər/) is the King James Version rendering of the Hebrew word הֵילֵל in Isaiah 14:12. This word, transliterated hêlēl or heylel, occurs only once in the Hebrew Bible and according to the KJV-influenced Strong's Concordance means "shining one, morning star, Lucifer". The word Lucifer is taken from the Latin Vulgate, which translates הֵילֵל as lucifer, meaning "the morning star, the planet Venus" (or, as an adjective, "light-bringing"). The Septuagint renders הֵילֵל in Greek as ἑωσφόρος (heōsphoros), a name, literally "bringer of dawn", for the morning star. Kaufmann Kohler says that the Greek Septuagint translation is "Phosphoros".

Venus is one bright motherfucking star, boys and girls, and has saved the lives of countless ancient mariners, seamen, merchants...

Go grab your bible (or look online, I don't care) and see how god chastises, and, really gets all mad at this "snake" non-animal:
  
Ezekiel 28:17:  
Thine heart was lifted up because of thy beauty, thou hast corrupted thy wisdom by reason of thy brightness: I will cast thee to the ground, I will lay thee before kings, that they may behold thee.

This was not a snake, but a charming, extremely beautiful, seductive, trickster, sly, smart, beguiling creature (it? he? she? snake?).

Again, not a snake.

The light bringer is the one who helps out humans, who represents the Good.

Usually in Hollywood movies, when a hero in a horror movie or a fantasy movie is in trouble, in darkness, he is rescued by a source of light, thereby saving him and his quest - recall the Lord of the Rings little hobbit fighting the giant snake, using the light bringer as his helper...

Hopefully you understand by now that the snake from the dumbed down bible version for idiots (for christians, if you will) is not really a snake, but rather a creature, a very seductive, beguiling creature.

And what happens to a woman when exposed to such charm, sophistication, world-wise, seduction?


From the King James version:

3:6  And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

Sounds innocent enough - Eve ate the fruit, with the serpent animal doing nothing but just, I guess, observing, and then she and her man ate some more fruit.

"Pleasant to the eyes" is in hebrew one word - chamad.

chamad: to desire, take pleasure in

Original Word: חָמַד
Part of Speech: Verb
Transliteration: chamad
Phonetic Spelling: (khaw-mad')
Short Definition: covet

NASB Translation
attracted (1), covet (6), coveted (1), delight (1), desirable (2), desire (1), desired (2), desires (2), pleasing (1), precious (2), precious things (1), took great delight (1).

Now, things get mighty confusing here, and the good ole hebrews didn't do a very good job of (copying) this myth (and all others, actually) from other religions.

That's right - as I proved in my previous Bible Stories entry, the whole bible is a copypasta plagiarism, each and every story attributed to the jews is really a copy of a more ancient story from another culture.

Adam and Eve are taken from... well, lets take a look at the usually very reliable Wiki.

It lists the first man and/or woman myth from all ancient religions...

Wait a moment...

Something is missing in that Wiki entry about the myth of the first man and woman.

The one (goddamn fucking) religion that the jews actually copied from.

Ancient Roots:

“Adamu” is the name in Sumerian mythology for the first man, created by “Enki”, the creator god and inventor of civilization. Adam is Hebrew for “man”, and adamah is a Hebrew word signifying dust and earth, and in Aramaic signifying blood. Havva — Hebrew for “Eve” — in Hebrew signifies life.

Yep - someone edited the wikipedia entry for first man and woman myths and took out Sumer - because, you see, Adamu was the first man in the Sumerian mythology, and it would look bad for a certain religion if people noticed that Adamu is somewhat close to Adam and then started to notice other similarities between judaism and the Sumerian myths, and then, even worse if they stumbled on my Bible Studies and started reading the PLAGIARISM section.


They fucked the narrative a bit, or perhaps it is the translators who fucked up; needless to say, supposedly Eve, the woman, was very chamad with the... tree... and not the super seductive, charming, wordly, beautiful, beguiling sna... Bringer of Light.


And then they realized they were naked.

Fancy that.

Lets go into some good ole hebrew now and try to clarify.

We know now the word for snake (haha, I mean Lucifer) is nachash; the word for the tree is ets.

It checks out - ets does mean tree, no mistranslation there.

What about hebrew for "fruit"?

Periy.

Biblesuite:

peri: fruit

Original Word: פֶּ֫רִי
Part of Speech: Noun Masculine
Transliteration: peri
Phonetic Spelling: (per-ee')
Short Definition: fruit

Word Origin
from parah
Definition
fruit
NASB Translation
earnings* (1), foliage (1), fruit (84), fruitful (2), fruits (2), fruits* (1), offspring (11), price (1), produce (12), product (1), results (2), reward (1).

Nuances, people.

Words with multiple meaning.

Hidden subtext only for the learned (or, in today's world, with google and internet and modern technology and that most human of all traits, curiosity) or the human enough to be curious about "their" (rather, alien invader) religion.

And what do you do with the fruit?

"Eat of it", of course: akal:

akal: to eat, devour

Original Word: אֲכַל
Part of Speech: Verb
Transliteration: akal
Phonetic Spelling: (ak-al')
Short Definition: devour

Word Origin
(Aramaic) corresponding to akal
Definition
to eat, devour
NASB Translation
brought (1), devour (2), devoured (2), eating (1), maliciously accused* (1).

Doesn't sound like much (eat the fruit), but the original English translation of the bible was not "eat" the fruit - it was "partook" the fruit (do your own research, or just trust me on this one, your choice).

You "eat" a fruit, you "partake" of an activity (like, say....eating).

Not that that is very important; just throwing it out there...


But...

What is the "forbidden fruit" phrase in most modern cultures referring to?

An apple?



You know the answer.

But just in case you are a hardcore christian,and are willfully ignorant Wiki: Forbidden fruit:

Forbidden fruit is a phrase that originates from Genesis concerning Adam and Eve in Genesis 2:16–17. In the narrative, the fruit came from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil and was eaten by Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. As a metaphor, the phrase typically refers to any indulgence or pleasure that is considered illegal or immoral.

Indulgence.

Pleasure.

Sex.

Now, it is starting to all make sense, if we let go of the mistranslated mess that is the version-for-idiots bible and instead try to translate - and, even more importantly - try to get at the nuances and really understand the not-so-hidden allusions and hidden meaning.

Adam and Eve did not make clothes for themselves and become self-conscious (and fully human) after a silly eating of fruit - they did it after having sex.

Some of my readers are probably going D'uh!, some are apopleptic, some just want me to get on with this damn story.

Fair enough.

Wipe the spittle from your lips, wipe the smirk off, stop fucking drinking that shitty American "vodka" made from corn and read on.

As you may recall, our intrepid heroine, Eve, did not eat - excuse me, partook the "eating of the fruit" with Adam.

She first "did it" with the sna... Lucifer.

Now, when she, er, "ate the fruit" with Adam, was the, er, snake still there... or perhaps we are into the typical porno threesome at this point, with Lucifer participating and teaching Adam what to do?

You know - bringing some light into this dreary world...

And as we learn every day now from that most aggressive of Abrahamic religions (islam), religion is chiefly about the denying of pleasure on this plane of existance, and, of course, obeying wicked old men promptly and without questioning... without thinking... and curiosity is frowned upon...

Or you go to hell, you sinner!

Christianity has healed itself a lot from the torah fanatical zealotry - islam still has a ways to go before it does so (and I wish the best to the people suffering under this system today, in XXI Century).



The Sumerian Adam and Eve (and snake... and fruit... and stuff)

We have dealt with the pathetic copy of a (bad) copy, the christian bible.

We have dealt with the terrible hatchet job, the hebrew bible.

Perhaps it is only fair that we learn about the original source

(Or is it? There must have been other civilizations before Sumer, which archeologists say sprang up from nothing on its own, just like ancient Egypt supposedly did - pshaw! I say).

Ancient Roots:

“Adamu” is the name in Sumerian mythology for the first man, created by “Enki”, the creator god and inventor of civilization. Adam is Hebrew for “man”, and adamah is a Hebrew word signifying dust and earth, and in Aramaic signifying blood. Havva — Hebrew for “Eve” — in Hebrew signifies life.

In the Sumerian myth, magical food is the source of immortality, not the source of its downfall, and Adamu is tricked to not eat it (the gods tell him it is poisonous), and thereby remains mortal. The Hebrew biblical account also describes such a life-giving magical food — the food of the “tree of life”, distinct from the forbidden “tree of knowledge of good and evil” — and it is chiefly to deprive them of the immortality bestowed by the fruit of the tree of life, that God exiles Adam and Eve from the garden. The tale of Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:1-16) parallels tales in Sumerian mythology of rivalries between farmer and herder gods.

The gods (extra terrestrials?) were evil in the Sumerian myth, and tricked man into NOT eating the fruit to better himself.

After analyzing the English copypasta and the hebrew copypasta, I (and perhaps you, also) have come to the conclusion that in those versions god was not the super nice guy that the friendly child molesters and people who suck babies' penises for a living make him out (it?) to be.

Wiki: Epic of Gilgamesh:

Tablet nine

Tablet nine opens with Gilgamesh roaming the wild clothed in animal skins, grieving for Enkidu. Fearful of his own death, he decides to seek Utnapishtim ("the Faraway"), and learn the secret of eternal life. Among the few survivors of the Great Flood, Utnapishtim and his wife are the only humans to have been granted immortality by the gods. Gilgamesh crosses a mountain pass at night and encounters a pride of lions. Before sleeping he prays for protection to the moon god Sin. Then, waking from an encouraging dream, he kills the lions and uses their skins for clothing. After a long and perilous journey, Gilgamesh arrives at the twin peaks of Mount Mashu at the end of the earth. He comes across a tunnel, which no man has ever entered, guarded by two terrible scorpion-men. After questioning him and recognizing his semi-divine nature, they allow him to enter it, and he passes under the mountains along the Road of the Sun. In complete darkness he follows the road for 12 "double hours", managing to complete the trip before the Sun catches up with him. He arrives at the Garden of the gods, a paradise full of jewel-laden trees.

Great Flood, again (an event which I believe really occurred, and which affected EVERY race, civilization on this planet, almost destroyed humanity totally, and still scars the memory of our modern homo sapiens).

Trees, lots of trees.

Secret of eternal life... not a fruit this time, but a plant:

Tablet eleven

(snip) 

As they are leaving, Utnapishtim's wife asks her husband to offer a parting gift. Utnapishtim tells Gilgamesh that at the bottom of the sea there lives a boxthorn-like plant that will make him young again. Gilgamesh, by binding stones to his feet so he can walk on the bottom, manages to obtain the plant. He intends to test it on an old man when he returns to Uruk. Unfortunately, when Gilgamesh stops to bathe, it is stolen by a serpent, who sheds its skin as it departs.

The snake, that trickster.

The fruit of eternal life (and what is eternal life, but knowledge, fucking knowledge, passed to new generations through clay tablets, books, and now computer drives, movies, recordings...).

Anyways, it was Abraham who was the father of the jews, and the founder of the religion that conquered the world, so where did he get his ideas?

Genesis 11:26-31 and 17:5-8 teach that Abraham himself, vaunted father of nations, is a native of the Sumerian city Ur (southeast Iraq, near the ancient mouths of the Tigris and Euphrates) under Chaldean suzerainty, growing up there some time in the second millenium BCE, and departing for Canaan (Israel and environs). Abraham's father Terah adhered to the Sumerian mythology, and was a maker and seller of idols, but Abraham rejected polytheism and his father's idols, and managed a remarkable escape from the Chaldean king's sentence of death for his heresy.

There you go - the chief plagiarist himself, at the right place and time to learn the Sumerian stories.



The Point of All This

The point of this (supposed to be) short and simple analysis of the most famous bible story (everybody has heard the myth of Adam and Eve) is to not to accept things at face value.

When someone (a guy who makes his living off dipping kids in water, perhaps later molesting them, or a guy who sucks a baby's penis with his mouth) makes a claim, and teaches it, and there are several versions of this (the big fucking clue for my retarded christian brethren is in the title of their "holy" book: The King James VERSION) is to get all the sources, analyze, compare.

Do it with everything in your daily life - if a coworker tells you that the boss told him to tell you to do one thing this way, check with other co-workers and your boss; when CNN reports on an event, check with France24, Russia Today, Reddit, and any other source you can to get at the truth.

Don't blindly accept the simplest, easiest to understand version - question it.

Be curious.

Be human - like Eve, and Adam.

And eat your damn fruit - it's good for you.